Yesterday was one of those “welcome to your harsh reality” days that I have every so often, and served as a long-necessary wakeup call.
I suppose I’ll start with the good part’s of the relevant day – shooting a trailer for Chelsea’s movie trailer project for an upcoming festival. She asked me to help her with one role, and I usually pitch in with lights and whatnot while I’m there because I have some experience and extra hands are good things, so I drove out to Somerville for a day and did my thing. I worked with her last year on The Mystery of the Missing Matron, which screened in a few places, and, all things being equal, I liked this script a lot better to boot. But we did the thing yesterday with a pile of really talented people from all walks and areas, finished ahead of schedule and with something that, at least to my eye from what I saw accomplished, is something that everyone involved, especially Chelsea, should be proud of.
Now, to the point where I make everything about me, I was not at my best this week period. I had a particularly horrid gaming night on Wednesday, forgetting things left and right, I forgot stupid shit at the supermarket on Monday, etc. Yesterday, though, I forgot two things (probably 3 assuming the miscommunication on my part was really just my being typical these days) that really seriously could have put this shoot in jeopardy, and I really felt terrible about it. I mean, there’s no question about it – I simply screwed up, I relied on my memory as opposed to printing a list of what I had down, and it failed me. I wasn’t always like this, and it feels like a somewhat new development, but I think it’s probably been ongoing for a little longer than I’m aware. Either way, it’s one thing to say “oh, crap, i forgot napkins” and not have it be a big deal. It’s another thing to forget what is essentially a rare, important antique, and put the time, money, and energy of a dozen people in the line of fire.
Chelsea’s a good person, and she’d never come right out and hold me over the fire for it, especially since it (thankfully) worked out, but I apologized and owned up to it privately to her, and I’m apologizing and owning up to it publicly because a) it’s the right thing to do and b) I’m sure I’ve done it more than a few times to people close to me who haven’t concerned themselves with it much either. It was a real shock to my system, let me tell you. I’m doubly aware of memory issues because of my mother’s condition, and while I highly doubt I’m showing signs of Alzheimer’s at age 28, that does not mean I can’t do more responsible planning and note taking in my own private life. I simply need to be much more responsible about this sort of stuff, and I need to make those steps weeks ago, not now. Time to play catch up and not be a disappointment. So I apologize again, Chelsea, and hopefully I haven’t reached your shitlist for the other great ideas we’ve talked about privately.
More later, because the doom and gloom over that one aspect of the day really didn’t match how wonderful everything else has been.
