What I’ve Been Up To

The only downside to Twitter is that the minutae of the day that would have, at one point, gone into a list form on my journal now gets posted to Twitter in 140 character increments. I wonder if there’s any sort of information on how many web communities the rise of Twitter and Facebook have inadvertently killed. Anyway…

* I’ve been working hard on two local political campaigns. Following the nonsense from 2008 and my laying low in almost every way through 2009, I figured this would be the year I put my money where my mouth is. Thus, much of my summer and most of my fall I’ve been spending working on campaign stuff for the 2nd Massachusetts District race and the Massachusetts governor race. They’re both Republican races, both worthy of victory, and both are going to be tough to win on the whole. I have to say, though, as exhausting as it is (and it is exhausting – I’m probably dedicating a good 4 nights a week/10-20 hours some weeks, which is a drop in the bucket compared to other folks I’m working with), it’s been really redeeming in a lot of ways. The election of Scott Brown here has really brought a good deal of folks out of the woodwork, so to speak, and there’s a significant conservative groundswell here in Massachusetts that I honestly never thought I’d see. Will it translate to victory? I don’t know, but I’m not feeling too lonely here as much as I once was.

* For those unaware, Ann & I moved into a new apartment in mid-June. I’ve talked a bit about how absolutely humbled I was by the amount of support we received in moving, and completed a move into our apartment in roughly 2 hours. Really crazy. We’ve been here roughly 10 weeks now and it really does feel like home. We live in William Howard Taft’s childhood summer home – how could it not be completely awesome? Granted, we also live on the busiest street in Millbury, and the heat does stay trapped up here, but overall, we absolutely love it here.

* Life is what it is. I don’t find myself slipping into my bad mental state much at all anymore, really – I had a pretty bad go of it in February and a rough patch here and there, but it’s nothing like what I was encountering before. I’ve kind of soured myself on the idea of further therapy for a lot of reasons, but I think I’ve really taken enough away from the experience that I’m at least now able to cope – a difficult thing for me to have done a year ago. I was going to get into a whole thing about antidepressants and such here – I’m not on any and have no plans to change that – but I’m going to self-censor myself here for the sake of harmony.

* Work has actually been really good. Really, really good. I don’t want to go into much here, but things are just really good for me work-wise, and I’m really optimistic about the future in the short-to-mid-term. I’ve really been able to kick it up a notch the last year or so, and it’s paying dividends – considering how completely beaten I had felt regarding all areas of work prior to getting back, it’s no small feat, but I honestly couldn’t be much happier with my situation as it currently is.

* It’s nice, though – as completely worn out and exhausted I feel from all my political endeavors and work, I still find time to do some gaming, play some video games, read some books, listen to some music. I finally found a dodgeball league, so I’m hoping that pans out, and I’ve been trying to be a little more active since I’ve gone and put on some extra weight yet again and I just don’t feel quite right about my activity level at this point. Baby steps, I guess, but considering I’ve really had to build myself back up from the rock bottom that I sat about 18 months ago, I’m not really being so impatient anymore, because there’s really no point in rushing it anymore.

Who would have thought I’d ever say that?

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On Trust

I’m actually a very trusting person.

I don’t come across that way often, obviously – I distrust many institutions, and I’m not afraid to speak out about the people I don’t trust. But I do trust.

I only bring this up because I feel burned right now from trust. I dole it out too easily, and then have to deal with those consequences. I trust people I should be able to trust but who hadn’t earned it. I trust people who I should know better than to trust and then get screwed down the line. It’s my nature – I think people are good and that it’s in their self-interest to be good and honest, as I believe. And too many people are not.

My father always warned me about this, too, and he was somewhat right – I do think people are generally good. I want to believe that even now, even with all the lessons I’ve learned. I’ll get there eventually. Maybe. It is one thing that my therapist and I did touch upon back when I was doing that regularly, but I honestly can’t recall if much came from it.

Nothing happened today or recently to bring this about. I’ve just been thinking about it more lately and doing things to try and mitigate the issue. But it’s still in my brain, so I gotta get it out.

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