Jeff’s Journal

I started this at 10:30pm Friday night, I’ll probably finish in the morning. Who knows. If you want 5 of your own, let me know - these were from Mike:

1. Are you having kids any time soon?

In the clearest possible terms, no. For one, we’re simply not ready in any way shape or form - we don’t have a second bedroom, I don’t have a job in 7 days, and we’re enjoying our life as it is anyway. Beyond that, the adoption process is, bare minimum, a two year process. We’ve put off buying a place until the economic stuff sorts out a bit more, so we’re at least 3 years away at this point, I think.

What’s your thoughts on being a parent? What kind of dad do you picture yourself being?

I’m scared. It’s the single scariest thing on my future horizon. I fear being a poor parent, about not doing right for my kids, for not being able to provide what they deserve, for not bringing them up the way I think they should be. I fear my genetics. I fear my own insecurities.

Ann thinks this might make me a better parent, since I’m so aware of all these things. I’m not convinced yet, but, again, 3 years down the line.

2. You’re a literary nerd. Why aren’t lyrics important to you?

It’s probably because I’m even more of a music nerd. I’m drawn to a song’s structure - whether it be a catchy melody, a great hook, or an interesting arrangement - long before I even hear the words being sung.

Even as a “literary nerd,” there’s very little in literature that sticks with me. I just finished Anathem today, which is probably my favorite book in 12 months, and I couldn’t even begin to tell you the details of a passage that really caught me, even though there were plenty. Maybe I just don’t have that sort of mind, not that I know what sort of mind it is.

3. How in the world do you find the time to read as many books, watch as many movies, listen to as much music, and do as much stuff in a 168 hour week?

Okay. First, a typical “adult” book is 250-400 pages long. A typical “adult” book, as it is, I can read at a clip of 55-70 pages in a 30 minute sitting. I’ve always been a fast reader, so it’s pretty natural for me. Rarely a day goes by that I don’t fit in at least 30 minutes of reading, and it’s usually closer to an hour when it gets to the points in time I can get 10 minutes in here or there. The 30 uninterrupted minutes over lunch alone make up for that easily. Now, that’s close to a book a week on lunch breaks alone. A book like Anathem or A Game of Thrones, both 900 page tomes with a ton of detail, move slower but get more attention than normal. Meanwhile, I’ll read a young adult novel with larger print and smaller book sizes at a clip of maybe 100 pages in a 30 minute time span. I can polish two or three of those off in a week. Or perhaps a graphic novel, which is 100 pages on a good day and can often be finished in one or two sittings. Add them all together, and it’s not so strange to have read 115 books as of this point in time.

As for movies, baseball season and the advent of the DVR has cut back on that tremendously, but if I can find time to watch two episodes of Mad Men in an evening, what’s a 90 minute movie? I could, in theory, probably watch a movie a day if I didn’t give it my full attention. I just enjoy movies too much.

Music? Wicked easy - satellite radio plus having a CD going whenever the TV is off and I’m near a computer.

And why isn’t working on The Most Important Book In The World included more often? Seriously. Get back to work on that thing.

I know, I know. The Drama is nearly over, and the creative juices feel like they’re coming back again, which is a good sign for that. Hopefully the prodigal grandchild will understand…

4. What happened to all the Palin love in your blog as of late? Are you still as enthralled with her?

The love went the way of most other writing as of late. I just haven’t been enthralled with anything, the election included. As it stands, if my excitement in late August was an 11, it’s probably around a 9.75 right now - I’m still a huge fan, and I just don’t know how much to blame that rough Couric patch on her or the inept McCain campaign.

5. Stubbornness: a boon or bane? Explain. (Bonus points for a tie-in to your recent job situation.)

Depends on the context. It’s a boon in some ways because it keeps me grounded - my stubbornness goes a long way when I know I’m not completely off-kilter. I know I’m not insane when it comes to recent troubles, and it keeps me from going completely nuts in my head. It’s a bane in the same way, however, where if I wasn’t so stubborn, I could have saved myself a ton of mental anguish.

The whole library thing isn’t unique to my typical stubbornness. It’s probably the number one cause of my inaction on many areas of my personal life, and probably gets mistaken for apathy in a lot of areas. I need to overcome it.

6. WHY SO SERIOUS?

All that time in the asylum…

I suppose now is as good a time as any to discuss this publically. Ann & I had been waiting until we could sit my parents down and discuss it with them first - some of you know this through various inklings or because we’ve spoken to you since Easter, but we weren’t holding back for any other reason than wanting our parents to know before we talked about it to everyone else.

While I’d imagine I’m one of the few human beings who can boil down a pretty major life choice into a lolcat, there you have it - Ann & I plan on internationally adopting our first child.

Let’s get a few things out of the way - first, there’s no fertility issues that we’re aware of. The stereotype appears to be that this becomes an option only when you can’t biologically have your own children, and that’s not at issue here. In fact, we’d like to have “our own” kids at some point in the future. Just not now, and not before doing this.

Second, we’re not against domestic adoption, it’s just not really something we’re interested in. For one, domestic adoption costs make international adoption look cheap in comparison (and it’s not), and for another, the benefits for the child coming from China or Korea or Russia or someplace with similar upheaval and uncertainty is miles ahead of a child who may have a rough go of it domestically as a foster child, but still gets the benefits of growing up in the States.

Third, seriously, Angelina and Madonna have nothing to do with it. If they did, it would be the first trendy thing I’ve done in years. But yeah - the comments have come out before, and no. Just no.

This isn’t necessarily going to be easy for us. The costs are high, the requirements weird, but it’s something we’re really into. Right now, we’re leaning toward South Korea, although China is high on the list but is likely impossible. We thought about Russia as well, but that’s kind of difficult, and our religious situation (read: lack thereof) forces us out of places like the Philippines and (I think) Ethiopia from the start.

Granted, this is ultimately going to be years down the line - many places expect you to be at least 30 or married 3-5 years, but this also means that Ann & I need to start thinking about it now. It’ll be an interesting ride, for sure, but we’re very excited about the end result, and, amazingly, so are my parents, who are behind us 110%. My mother let me know today that she wants to be “Nanny Joan,” so I think we have people safely on board.

We’re doing this because we feel like we’re the right type of people to make some child’s life better. It’s a way we can give back to the world in a way that matches up with our values and beliefs, and it just feels like the right thing to do. I read stories like this and my heart breaks a little bit, and to think we might be able to do our own part for someone else in a way that others might not is a really neat thought.

We’re both excited. We’ll keep things updated as we learn and do more - Ann’s got her Big Book of International Adoption all tabbed out, I’ve been talking with parents at my library - we’re really all in. How scary. And fun. And amazing.