Jeff’s Journal

Mixing memes:

What age did you turn this year and how did you spend your birthday?

I turned 27. I think I actually had to work late on my birthday, if I remember correctly.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well, I’d say some of it. Got more politically involved to a point, but didn’t get much done with the book as compared to what I wanted.

What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Had surgery, I suppose, even though wisdom tooth extraction is hardly surgery. Played a tabletop RPG, which took way, WAY too long for me to get involved with. Quit a job with no actual fallback in place. Was in a movie that people saw. Ate black olives and liked them.

Did anyone you know give birth? Did anyone you know die?

My grandfather died at age 94. That’s the only real noteworthy death from this year I can remember. Congrats to Andy on his second kid, that’s the only one I’m remembering at the moment.

Tell us about some noteworthy things done by people you know.

Chelsea got her movie in a bunch of festivals. That was probably the most noteworthy thing I can think of.

Do any traveling?

I only went 2 hours from Manchester once. Didn’t leave New England at all.

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A less ridiculous work situation, financial stability, a place closer to home.

What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

No clue.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Standing up for myself. As strong a personality I am, I tend to wilt considerably when it comes to defending myself or doing what I think is the right thing. This means both recognizing where I’m correct and admitting where I’m wrong. I’m still not perfect, not even close, but the Jeff of even 2 years ago would have never done what I did concerning the library debacle this year. The Jeff of 2 years ago wouldn’t have apologized for wronging someone so long ago and thus repairing a relationship that had no business being repaired.

What was your biggest disappointment or failure?

The library, the election, the Super Bowl. My relative inaction on the Kroger Babb bio. The American news media.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Wisdom teeth and strep throat.

What was the best thing you bought? Best gift you were given?

Interestingly enough, I didn’t actually buy all that much for myself. I spent a good deal of money on gaming stuff (video and tabletop), but nothing crazy.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My wife’s, without question. She trusts me to do the right thing, stands by me when I need her support, and doesn’t hold back when I’m wrong. The fact that she hasn’t bailed on me for a better model after the activity of the last 3 months is a testament to how lucky I am to have her.

Whose behavior did not?

Library-related entities. The American electorate. Manny Ramirez. Benefit Concepts, Inc.. Pigeon.

Where did most of your money go?

Bills.

What did you get overly excited about?

The amount of reading I accomplished. D&D v4.0. Left 4 Dead.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder. The world was my oyster last year, and this year I have absolutely no clue where I’m going to end up.
ii. thinner or fatter? Same. I’ve been a steady 177-182 for 4 years running no matter what I do.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer, since my new job is essentially a $10k/year pay cut.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Worked harder on the book, was more active physically, socially, and politically.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Moping. Getting too far into my head.

How will you be spending the end of the year?

Ann’s babysitting, so I’ll probably play Left 4 Dead until the clock strikes midnight. I don’t really do much on New Year’s these days, nothing will trump New Year’s 2001/2002 for me. Then again, if something interesting did come up, I might dive at it.

With whom did you spend the most time on the phone with?

I avoid the phone as much as possible.

Did you fall in love in 2008?

Tiffanie’s kitten is quite adorable, yes.

Best TV shows and/or website? (passive entertainment)

The new ones on our plate are Mad Men, 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother. I don’t think we watch anything else that’s new new.

Websites? Cracked.com is the ultimate timewaster, as is Shelfari.

Best video game?

I spent the most time with Team Fortress 2, Geometry Wars 2, and Left 4 Dead.

Best book/comic?

Book was Anathem, no contest. Comic? Ultimate Spider-Man or the Buffy/Angelverse.

What song will always remind you of 2008?

Interestingly enough, probably “Sultan” by What Made Milwaukee Famous.”

What was your greatest musical discovery?

For so, so many reasons, the Two Man Gentleman Band.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Must not publicly berate people. Must not publicly berate people. Must not publicly berate people.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

How many ways can you match your Chuck Taylors to your button-down shirts?

What political issue stirred you the most?

Other than the election itself? Possibly the Employee Free Choice Act.

Whom did you miss?

Everyone 75 miles south of here.

Who was the best new person you met?

There are a pile of people who fit this here, so I’m just going to say that getting to know Mandy, Bill, Mike, Billy, and Jenny has been a pleasure I’ve not had in quite a long time. Hopefully I don’t irritate them too too much.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Must not publicly berate people. Must not publicly berate people. Must not publicly berate people. Honestly, though, not especially. I don’t *hate* the one person who essentially made my life a living hell as much as feel sorry for them, and as much as I get irritated and upset with people I know and love when it comes to matters of personal beliefs, I don’t ever hate them and never could.

What did you want and get?

I wanted little, and got little.

What did you want and not get?

See above.

A valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?

Be yourself, because your principles matter.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Must not publicly berate people, an Obama loss, and $20k.

Quote to sum up your year.

I’m so bad with quotes, but this one book I read this year, Parenting Without Belief, had a really interesting passage in the introduction that brought a ton home for me in terms of things that went on this year in a lot of areas. It applies to almost everything noteworthy that’s happened with me this year, so yeah:

Oxford biologist Richard Dawkins shares a heartfelt letter to his 10-year-old daughter Juliet about his own intellectual values. …[S]ome others [may] find Dawkins’ approach disrespectful to religious belief. There is a good reason for this: he does not respect religious belief. Not one bit.

This raises an important question…. Is it okay to disrespect someone’s beliefs? Notice that the subject is beliefs, not believers - we can presumably agree that people themselves deserve respect. But can we allow disrespect - not just disagreement, but disrespect - for opinions?

If the word “respect” is to retain any meaning whatsoever, then respect must not be granted to all opinions automatically. I may disagree with an opinion but still respect it, if I feel it was arrived by legitimate means…Though I disagree strongly with my friends, I respect their argument since they back it up with reasoned argument.

I know full well I didn’t achieve this in either direction in many of my doings this year, in more than just discussion on current events but on my life in general. I wish I had seen this in January and not December.

Ah well. 2009 has the potential to be an amazing year, and I’d be smart to embrace that. I’m more comfortable in my own skin now than I believe I’ve ever been before, and that can only translate positively. Let’s hope so, at least.

So, memes.

01. What’s the last DVD you watched?

Ann & I watched Rocket Science last night. Good flick.

02. What are you wearing at the moment?

Jeans, my Elizabeth Elmore guitar pedal t-shirt, socks and black Chucks.

03. Who is/was your favorite cartoon character?

I was always partial to Danger Mouse.

04. What is your favorite scent?

Thoughts that passed through my mind for this: a burning clove cigarette, burning wood, barbecue, vanilla.

05. What do you drink the most?

Probably water.

06. Is there a useless thing that you cannot brace yourself to throw out?

I can see roughly a half dozen things from where I’m sitting.

07. Who was your first big crush?

his girl I went to school/danced with. I was six. It would have never worked out.

08. What did you want to be when you grew up?

In order: a crayon maker, President, meteorologist, actor, music teacher, politician, director, librarian. Still don’t know for sure.

09. What mythological figure are you?

Zeus, because I’m that awesome. Or something.

10. What characters are overrated?

Thoughts that passed through my mind for this: Starbuck and Roslin from the new BSG, Jack Bauer, Tony Clark.

11. What 3 people would you invite to dinner?

There’s no way I can narrow this down. None at all. I’d love to dine with Jefferson, Kroger Babb, Thomas Sowell, Sarah Vowell, Peter Buck, my best friend from kindergarten, my uncle Tom, and roughly half the people reading this, but there’s no way I could get them all interested in each other.

12.What is your current desktop?

A Diesel Sweeties-style turnip landscape.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

A fun, if enigmatic, friend. Meant entirely complimentary.

14. What are you afraid of?

Failure.

15. What’s your favorite item of clothing?

I hate clothes. I suppose my red Chucks are well loved, though.

16. What are you into right now?

In no particular order: dodgeball, Jenny Lewis, movies, fantasy books, Mad Men, and my wife.

17. What did you do today?

Ate breakfast, went food shopping, watched the Pats game, played some video games, applied to three jobs.

18. What do you want?

One of the jobs I applied to last week to call me back and hire me.

19. What should you be doing right now?

Cleaning, applying for more jobs.

20. What’s the meaning behind your LJ username/name/nicknames you go by?

I am Jeff, and Badly Drawn Boy is a musician I love, but not as much as I probably used to. But the name sort of fits in a lot of ways, so it stays.

Five from Adam:

1) Barack Obama - Where will he rank among the worst presidents ever?

I can’t imagine Obama or McCain doing better than Bush, and I would probably place Bush somewhere in the bottom ten ever on a good day. Neither of them have the answers to solve the problems we’re looking at. So my prediction would probably be somewhere in the bottom 10.

2) Bill Ayers - is that REALLY a legitimate thing for the McCain/Palin campaign to bring up?

Yup.

3) McCain/Palin - What happened? Who’s to blame?

I think the campaign management is the biggest problem. They never seized the narrative, they never went after Obama in a clear, focused way, and they squandered a great opportunity with Palin. It was a hard enough year for a Republican as is, and Obama was like a gift. Kind of pathetic.

4) Palin - You sort of touched on this above, but, really, what is it about her that really does it for you? Just her policies, or her life story and situation too? What do you think about her numbers now?

It really is her policies. That she comes from a pretty middle class background doesn’t hurt, but I don’t respond well to populist angles. Her numbers, well, I’m not sure she ever had a really good shot to do anything about that.

5) Recession - Any thoughts?

We’ll see.

Now from Lee Anne:

1. How would you vote on Massachusetts Question One and what’s your reasoning behind it?

For those unaware, Question 1 would eliminate the Massachusetts state income tax over a two year period. I voted yes on this in 2002, and I’d vote yes today if only to send a message to the legislature. They’re just going to overturn it later anyway, after all.

2. What’s your junk food of choice?

I’m really not much of a junk food guy. I’ll have some cookies with my lunch, I like tortilla chips. If I have a significant junk food vice, it’s probably milkshakes.

3. You and Ann have exposed each other to a lot of new stuff. What are you proudest of getting her into?

Man, I don’t know. This may sound like a copout answer, but she likes so much that I do that the fact that she trusts me enough to not steer her into something she’ll loathe is probably the best part. That I can take her to a bizarre concert and she’ll enjoy it, that she’ll roll dice with me or explore a historic island. It’s the ability to share anything that’s probably the best, and I’m proud because it means that I’ve shown myself to be a good judge of those things.

4. On a different note, what has she introduced you to that you really like?

This is a tough question, since I’m considered the “entertainment coordinator” of this household. The first things to pop into my brain were black olives and red grapes, but that sounds trite. So I asked her:

Jeff: “What have you introduced me to?”
Ann: “Nothing. Seriously, nothing. Foods. Quesadillas, maybe? Tacos. Ooh, I know - non-tapered pants.”

See?

5. If you had a million bucks to donate to the charity of your choice,

Alzheimer’s research. Start a nonprofit to give interest free loans to people who want to open small businesses. Make some sort of fund for rural libraries to be able to get newer, lesser known books for their children’s collections.

Now from the wife:

1. It’s Groundhog day, you’re Bill Murray, but at least you can control what happens that day. What’s your day’s agenda?

Lots of illicit sexual escapades I’d probably try more new things over and over and over just to see what happens.

2. What would Pigeon be saying if she could talk?

Food? Food food fo– hey, what’s that shadow?

3. Alright, the condo is on fire! Pij and I are okay, what do you have in your two hands? (Yes, yes, I know you wouldn’t have time to go digging in the closet or whatever, but suspend reality for a minute, okay?)

It’s funny, because I don’t have a lot of stuff with sentimental value. Or any non-financial value. Sure, the CDs are there, but, well, that’s a lost cause. The Rickenbacker has no personal value, the “big ticket” items can be replaced. Honestly? I’d probably grab all the Kroger Babb stuff, because that’s the only irreplaceable stuff I have.

4. What do you like most about ManchVegas? Is this the city where you picture us raising our children?

It feels like what I wanted Worcester to be. I still think our future is further north, but I’d be happy with here, too.

5. You have known me five years now(!) In what ways have I changed the most? How do you think you have changed?

You’re more confident and self-aware. You care more about everything. I’d like to think I’m similar, but I don’t know.

I started this at 10:30pm Friday night, I’ll probably finish in the morning. Who knows. If you want 5 of your own, let me know - these were from Mike:

1. Are you having kids any time soon?

In the clearest possible terms, no. For one, we’re simply not ready in any way shape or form - we don’t have a second bedroom, I don’t have a job in 7 days, and we’re enjoying our life as it is anyway. Beyond that, the adoption process is, bare minimum, a two year process. We’ve put off buying a place until the economic stuff sorts out a bit more, so we’re at least 3 years away at this point, I think.

What’s your thoughts on being a parent? What kind of dad do you picture yourself being?

I’m scared. It’s the single scariest thing on my future horizon. I fear being a poor parent, about not doing right for my kids, for not being able to provide what they deserve, for not bringing them up the way I think they should be. I fear my genetics. I fear my own insecurities.

Ann thinks this might make me a better parent, since I’m so aware of all these things. I’m not convinced yet, but, again, 3 years down the line.

2. You’re a literary nerd. Why aren’t lyrics important to you?

It’s probably because I’m even more of a music nerd. I’m drawn to a song’s structure - whether it be a catchy melody, a great hook, or an interesting arrangement - long before I even hear the words being sung.

Even as a “literary nerd,” there’s very little in literature that sticks with me. I just finished Anathem today, which is probably my favorite book in 12 months, and I couldn’t even begin to tell you the details of a passage that really caught me, even though there were plenty. Maybe I just don’t have that sort of mind, not that I know what sort of mind it is.

3. How in the world do you find the time to read as many books, watch as many movies, listen to as much music, and do as much stuff in a 168 hour week?

Okay. First, a typical “adult” book is 250-400 pages long. A typical “adult” book, as it is, I can read at a clip of 55-70 pages in a 30 minute sitting. I’ve always been a fast reader, so it’s pretty natural for me. Rarely a day goes by that I don’t fit in at least 30 minutes of reading, and it’s usually closer to an hour when it gets to the points in time I can get 10 minutes in here or there. The 30 uninterrupted minutes over lunch alone make up for that easily. Now, that’s close to a book a week on lunch breaks alone. A book like Anathem or A Game of Thrones, both 900 page tomes with a ton of detail, move slower but get more attention than normal. Meanwhile, I’ll read a young adult novel with larger print and smaller book sizes at a clip of maybe 100 pages in a 30 minute time span. I can polish two or three of those off in a week. Or perhaps a graphic novel, which is 100 pages on a good day and can often be finished in one or two sittings. Add them all together, and it’s not so strange to have read 115 books as of this point in time.

As for movies, baseball season and the advent of the DVR has cut back on that tremendously, but if I can find time to watch two episodes of Mad Men in an evening, what’s a 90 minute movie? I could, in theory, probably watch a movie a day if I didn’t give it my full attention. I just enjoy movies too much.

Music? Wicked easy - satellite radio plus having a CD going whenever the TV is off and I’m near a computer.

And why isn’t working on The Most Important Book In The World included more often? Seriously. Get back to work on that thing.

I know, I know. The Drama is nearly over, and the creative juices feel like they’re coming back again, which is a good sign for that. Hopefully the prodigal grandchild will understand…

4. What happened to all the Palin love in your blog as of late? Are you still as enthralled with her?

The love went the way of most other writing as of late. I just haven’t been enthralled with anything, the election included. As it stands, if my excitement in late August was an 11, it’s probably around a 9.75 right now - I’m still a huge fan, and I just don’t know how much to blame that rough Couric patch on her or the inept McCain campaign.

5. Stubbornness: a boon or bane? Explain. (Bonus points for a tie-in to your recent job situation.)

Depends on the context. It’s a boon in some ways because it keeps me grounded - my stubbornness goes a long way when I know I’m not completely off-kilter. I know I’m not insane when it comes to recent troubles, and it keeps me from going completely nuts in my head. It’s a bane in the same way, however, where if I wasn’t so stubborn, I could have saved myself a ton of mental anguish.

The whole library thing isn’t unique to my typical stubbornness. It’s probably the number one cause of my inaction on many areas of my personal life, and probably gets mistaken for apathy in a lot of areas. I need to overcome it.

6. WHY SO SERIOUS?

All that time in the asylum…

1) First, a meme. Don’t feel like tagging, but list 8 things people may not know. These are always hard for me because I lay so much out there as is, but it’s been a while, so…

a) For a long time, I couldn’t stop a book after starting it. My tolerance level has shifted dramatically in a short time - if a book doesn’t hook me in quickly, I’m generally not going to finish it. I have no clue what caused that shift.

b) I’m currently looking at my desk at home (it’s 10pm on Tuesday) and I’m shocked - I cleaned this before my wisdom teeth thing, and within 7 days, it’s possibly worse than it was before. Unopened mail, CDs to listen to and mail out, etc. It’s incredible, my ability to accumulate stuff.

c) I’ve been picking up my guitar a lot more lately, and I feel like I’m making some minor breakthroughs in ability. Not so much where I’m going to be more than above competent, but better than I’ve ever felt in the 10 years I’ve been playing now.

d) I find it odd that I have so much nostalgia for 1990s alt rock, yet dislike most grunge and was a little too young to truly appreciate it.

e) One of the best things I’ve done for myself the last few years is fully embracing my inner nerd. I wish I had done it in high school - it couldn’t have gotten much worse for me socially as a whole anyway, and it would have saved me a lot of strife in college.

f) I have no clue why I’m so bad at e-mailing.

g) As bad as I am at e-mailing, I’m worse with the phone. Still.

h) I still regret too much. I think I always will, no matter how happy I am with my lot in life.

2) My first day back to work was interesting on a number of levels, but keeping it on a health note - wow. I was wiped by the end of the day. It’s amazing how something so small as this can really throw you off your game. My jaw was really killing me by the end of the day, my voice was really ragged and shaky beyond the compensating and the remnants of the cold/allergy battle, and yeah. Wow. If I wasn’t so damn busy with summer stuff, I might have considered going home, but I barely convinced myself to stay home on Monday. Working through things is good, I suppose.

3) I’ve been following R.E.M. setlists since the tour started and since my show is next week - the lists are VERY impressive. plenty of Accelerate, of course, but they’re pulling out a lot of great old stuff. “Heron House,” “Ignoreland,” “Circus Envy,” and “Pretty Persusion” are all songs I’ve wanted to hear live and that have shown up on lists, “Ignoreland” being a staple thus far. I’m still pulling for “Auctioneer” and now perhaps wishing for “9-9″ isn’t completely out of the question. One week! ONE WEEK!

4) So I was, uh, able to see the 4th edition D&D player’s manual. They’ve done a LOT of streamlining, but I can’t say I miss too much from what I knew of 3.0/3.5. I still wish I could play as a multiclassed bard, but I think my understanding of things has opened up a decent idea for a character. If I have any real disappointment with it early, it’s that the alignment structure has changed - if i’m reading this correctly, no more chaotic good? We’re stuck on only neutral (or, in 4e terms, “unaligned”)? That’s kind of crappy, but it also fits in with some of the said streamlining. Regardless, I find it difficult to work off of PDF files, and I hope once I get the book in my hand, I can work some other stuff out on my own.

Given that the 4e book has leaked, we did work with it more in our game on Sunday, and to great result. It, again, helps that we have a really great group going, but everything moves incredibly smoothly with it, and yeah. I’m gushing a bit, I suppose - we’re halting the pre-made campaign after this weekend, and then two weeks off before we dive into the long-term. I can’t wait.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got. Enough outta me.

1) If I was one to do those “Do 101 things in 1001 days” lists like everyone else I know, I would have crossed one thing off my list today: The Baconator.

I don’t generally eat fast food. It’s one of those things that used to appeal to me, but just doesn’t anymore - I go to a Burger King or McDonald’s or something maybe twice in a given year, and usually out of convenience rather than desire. With that said, around 12:30 today, the craving for two huge burger patties with six strips of bacon overwhelmed me, and since Ann is out for the day and there’s a Wendy’s less than a mile down the road, well…

The verdict? Good, but not amazing. With that much bacon, it should be amazing, but alas, it was only good. What it definitely was was amazingly greasy, though - I’ve washed my hands twice since lunch and I still feel gooey.

2) I’m overdue regarding music and stuff, but I’m so addicted to Kathleen Edwards’s new album it’s not even funny. It’s quite good, and Ann feels threatened by her, so it’s win-win.

3) Any technologically savvy people want to help me figure out why embedded flash videos (YouTube et al) just freeze without sound after about 2 seconds? I can’t figure out if it was an update, or clashing programs, or something else, but it’s completely weird. Never had this problem before, and I never realized how much I actually use YouTube until recently.

4) Speaking of YouTube, if every Celtics game was as exciting as this moment, I’d probably be on the bandwagon:

More later, I suppose.

Mike tagged me for that “10 random/interesting things about you” meme, specifically because he feels he knows little about me other than my opinions on books, movies, and politics. So let’s see if I can’t throw ten interesting things out there with that in mind.

1) Through most of my grade school time, I was convinced I was going to be a meteorologist. I watched The Weather Channel the way some kids watch Nickelodeon, I owned all sorts of crazy meteorology books, the whole nine yards.

2) I gave up on that dream after freshman year of high school, when I failed Algebra I. To this day, it’s the only class I actually failed (I failed one other class in college, but an appeal turned that around), but not being good at math when you have an interest in science doesn’t work out very well. I also got a 67 in Algebra II. Thank god for the scale.

3) My speaking voice annoys the shit out of me, and I can’t imagine other people actually being able to tolerate it. I know that no one especially likes their speaking voice, but I’m especially thrown by mine.

4) Given how annoying I find my speaking voice, it’s still a mystery to me that I have a good singing voice. I mean, I did get into college as a vocal major, I did make district chorus in high school, so there’s obviously third party confirmation, but I’ve never understood it.

5) I find it incredibly difficult to lie. It doesn’t come easy to me, it’s not something I’m able to do more often than not. I like that aspect of my reputation, but it made working in sales very difficult.

6) While I love my job now, I surprisingly miss working at Tatnuck Booksellers from time to time. Probably because that was a good five years of my life, but even with all the annoyances and complaining I did, it really was a decent gig with a lot of good opportunity. I still can’t say I’ve found anything in the world quite like it.

7) Not surprisingly, given my interest in Kroger Babb and in indie rock, I’m incredibly fascinated by little-known people in history. The New Hampshire Humanities Book Group is reading a book about a Jewish Confederate soldier from the Civil War that I find absolutely fascinating, and may never find time to read - this sort of stuff really gets me.

8) In a lot of ways, my fear of dying is made greater through the knowledge that I’ll never get to read all the books I want to read. What’s worse is that there are definitely thousands of books that I’m completely unaware of that I would probably love. Such is life - but this wasn’t supposed to be about books, so…

9) Few things are more important to me in judging a person’s character - public or personal - than integrity.

10) I have a tendency to carry a lot of regret with me. I’m typically one to replay various scenarios in my head over and over, often involving people who probably don’t even remember being involved in the first place. While I still do that from time to time, the last few years of my life have largely quelled that - between marrying Ann, moving to New Hampshire, taking this job, and everything else that’s come along with it, I feel like I’ve made a lot of really good decisions for my life, and the regret I usually take with me almost ceases to exist after 2003. For someone who’s constantly evaluating his internal state, even with my general ups and downs, that’s a big step for me, feeling comfortable in my own existence.