Jeff’s Journal

I’m not a resolution guy, but I am a goal guy. I like words. So, beyond the stuff I can’t yet discuss publicly:

1) Write more. While the Kroger Babb bio is my priority, that doesn’t mean I can’t do more other stuff:

a) I’ve always talked about writing a novel, I’m a NaNoWriMo failure 6 times over - a 120k word novel requires about 330 words a day. I think I can force myself to write a paragraph or two a day on most days, right? At the very least, just be able to say I’ve done it. The fact that I have zero faith in any of my ideas or ability to execute them can be dealt with later.
b) I need to get moving on this Babb bio. The window of opportunity is closing on a few things, and with the various life changes that are inherent, if I don’t get a lot of legwork done now, it may hamper my ability to get anything done later. At the very least, I need to get more significant research done - locate prints, locate people, maybe locate an agent/publisher where I can get some help? I dunno.
c) Blog more consistently. None of this “life is depressing and so I need to stay away from my keyboard until I want to explode and then get everyone angry.” It’s no good for anyone, and keeping my mind sharp and informed is important to me.

2) Get healthier. I don’t eat great, and I don’t exercise enough. The federal government thinks I’m 5 pounds away from obesity, which is somewhat ridiculous, but the fact remains that I could stand to lose 15-20 pounds. Dodgeball once a week ain’t gonna do the trick, and my diet is unlikely to change because I simply have too many food issues, but I was at 155 in college and that was fine, albeit when I didn’t eat period. If I were at 165, I’d be pretty happy with myself, to be honest. The other roadblock, though, is that writing about it is pretty much the extent of my significantly caring, so if I really want to lose some weight, my level of caring has to increase.

3) See better movies. I’m actually considering a self-governed project where I’ll watch all of the Best Picture winners in order, but then I fear eventually having to watch The Greatest Show on Earth, never mind Titanic or Crash. But, while it’s fun to throw on Harold and Kumar for a diversion, that’s 90 minutes I could put toward, say, Kicking and Screaming instead. I only watched 30-something movies last year, that’s something I’d like to improve upon.

4) More gaming. Hopefully, this will be easy once Mike’s Genius game gets off the ground, but I would like to feel comfortable enough with things to possibly run a one-shot near the of the year. It’s a goal, hey.

5) Be a better husband. I don’t pull my weight enough, and I know it and Ann loves me for it anyway. I need to stay more aware of it, though, and make a better effort.

6) Be more creative. I haven’t recorded a piece of music in 2 years now, for instance. Even if I’m writing 300 words a day, maybe doing some short stories might be fun. Why hold back?

Actually, I think that may have to be my mantra going forward - why hold back? I’ve become too concerned with my own perception of myself and, as much as I hate to admit it, my own perceptions as to how others see me. I know what I’m capable of. I’m going to be 28 this year. Why hold back?

Mixing memes:

What age did you turn this year and how did you spend your birthday?

I turned 27. I think I actually had to work late on my birthday, if I remember correctly.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well, I’d say some of it. Got more politically involved to a point, but didn’t get much done with the book as compared to what I wanted.

What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Had surgery, I suppose, even though wisdom tooth extraction is hardly surgery. Played a tabletop RPG, which took way, WAY too long for me to get involved with. Quit a job with no actual fallback in place. Was in a movie that people saw. Ate black olives and liked them.

Did anyone you know give birth? Did anyone you know die?

My grandfather died at age 94. That’s the only real noteworthy death from this year I can remember. Congrats to Andy on his second kid, that’s the only one I’m remembering at the moment.

Tell us about some noteworthy things done by people you know.

Chelsea got her movie in a bunch of festivals. That was probably the most noteworthy thing I can think of.

Do any traveling?

I only went 2 hours from Manchester once. Didn’t leave New England at all.

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A less ridiculous work situation, financial stability, a place closer to home.

What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

No clue.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Standing up for myself. As strong a personality I am, I tend to wilt considerably when it comes to defending myself or doing what I think is the right thing. This means both recognizing where I’m correct and admitting where I’m wrong. I’m still not perfect, not even close, but the Jeff of even 2 years ago would have never done what I did concerning the library debacle this year. The Jeff of 2 years ago wouldn’t have apologized for wronging someone so long ago and thus repairing a relationship that had no business being repaired.

What was your biggest disappointment or failure?

The library, the election, the Super Bowl. My relative inaction on the Kroger Babb bio. The American news media.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Wisdom teeth and strep throat.

What was the best thing you bought? Best gift you were given?

Interestingly enough, I didn’t actually buy all that much for myself. I spent a good deal of money on gaming stuff (video and tabletop), but nothing crazy.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My wife’s, without question. She trusts me to do the right thing, stands by me when I need her support, and doesn’t hold back when I’m wrong. The fact that she hasn’t bailed on me for a better model after the activity of the last 3 months is a testament to how lucky I am to have her.

Whose behavior did not?

Library-related entities. The American electorate. Manny Ramirez. Benefit Concepts, Inc.. Pigeon.

Where did most of your money go?

Bills.

What did you get overly excited about?

The amount of reading I accomplished. D&D v4.0. Left 4 Dead.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder. The world was my oyster last year, and this year I have absolutely no clue where I’m going to end up.
ii. thinner or fatter? Same. I’ve been a steady 177-182 for 4 years running no matter what I do.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer, since my new job is essentially a $10k/year pay cut.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Worked harder on the book, was more active physically, socially, and politically.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Moping. Getting too far into my head.

How will you be spending the end of the year?

Ann’s babysitting, so I’ll probably play Left 4 Dead until the clock strikes midnight. I don’t really do much on New Year’s these days, nothing will trump New Year’s 2001/2002 for me. Then again, if something interesting did come up, I might dive at it.

With whom did you spend the most time on the phone with?

I avoid the phone as much as possible.

Did you fall in love in 2008?

Tiffanie’s kitten is quite adorable, yes.

Best TV shows and/or website? (passive entertainment)

The new ones on our plate are Mad Men, 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother. I don’t think we watch anything else that’s new new.

Websites? Cracked.com is the ultimate timewaster, as is Shelfari.

Best video game?

I spent the most time with Team Fortress 2, Geometry Wars 2, and Left 4 Dead.

Best book/comic?

Book was Anathem, no contest. Comic? Ultimate Spider-Man or the Buffy/Angelverse.

What song will always remind you of 2008?

Interestingly enough, probably “Sultan” by What Made Milwaukee Famous.”

What was your greatest musical discovery?

For so, so many reasons, the Two Man Gentleman Band.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Must not publicly berate people. Must not publicly berate people. Must not publicly berate people.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

How many ways can you match your Chuck Taylors to your button-down shirts?

What political issue stirred you the most?

Other than the election itself? Possibly the Employee Free Choice Act.

Whom did you miss?

Everyone 75 miles south of here.

Who was the best new person you met?

There are a pile of people who fit this here, so I’m just going to say that getting to know Mandy, Bill, Mike, Billy, and Jenny has been a pleasure I’ve not had in quite a long time. Hopefully I don’t irritate them too too much.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Must not publicly berate people. Must not publicly berate people. Must not publicly berate people. Honestly, though, not especially. I don’t *hate* the one person who essentially made my life a living hell as much as feel sorry for them, and as much as I get irritated and upset with people I know and love when it comes to matters of personal beliefs, I don’t ever hate them and never could.

What did you want and get?

I wanted little, and got little.

What did you want and not get?

See above.

A valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?

Be yourself, because your principles matter.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Must not publicly berate people, an Obama loss, and $20k.

Quote to sum up your year.

I’m so bad with quotes, but this one book I read this year, Parenting Without Belief, had a really interesting passage in the introduction that brought a ton home for me in terms of things that went on this year in a lot of areas. It applies to almost everything noteworthy that’s happened with me this year, so yeah:

Oxford biologist Richard Dawkins shares a heartfelt letter to his 10-year-old daughter Juliet about his own intellectual values. …[S]ome others [may] find Dawkins’ approach disrespectful to religious belief. There is a good reason for this: he does not respect religious belief. Not one bit.

This raises an important question…. Is it okay to disrespect someone’s beliefs? Notice that the subject is beliefs, not believers - we can presumably agree that people themselves deserve respect. But can we allow disrespect - not just disagreement, but disrespect - for opinions?

If the word “respect” is to retain any meaning whatsoever, then respect must not be granted to all opinions automatically. I may disagree with an opinion but still respect it, if I feel it was arrived by legitimate means…Though I disagree strongly with my friends, I respect their argument since they back it up with reasoned argument.

I know full well I didn’t achieve this in either direction in many of my doings this year, in more than just discussion on current events but on my life in general. I wish I had seen this in January and not December.

Ah well. 2009 has the potential to be an amazing year, and I’d be smart to embrace that. I’m more comfortable in my own skin now than I believe I’ve ever been before, and that can only translate positively. Let’s hope so, at least.

I started this at 10:30pm Friday night, I’ll probably finish in the morning. Who knows. If you want 5 of your own, let me know - these were from Mike:

1. Are you having kids any time soon?

In the clearest possible terms, no. For one, we’re simply not ready in any way shape or form - we don’t have a second bedroom, I don’t have a job in 7 days, and we’re enjoying our life as it is anyway. Beyond that, the adoption process is, bare minimum, a two year process. We’ve put off buying a place until the economic stuff sorts out a bit more, so we’re at least 3 years away at this point, I think.

What’s your thoughts on being a parent? What kind of dad do you picture yourself being?

I’m scared. It’s the single scariest thing on my future horizon. I fear being a poor parent, about not doing right for my kids, for not being able to provide what they deserve, for not bringing them up the way I think they should be. I fear my genetics. I fear my own insecurities.

Ann thinks this might make me a better parent, since I’m so aware of all these things. I’m not convinced yet, but, again, 3 years down the line.

2. You’re a literary nerd. Why aren’t lyrics important to you?

It’s probably because I’m even more of a music nerd. I’m drawn to a song’s structure - whether it be a catchy melody, a great hook, or an interesting arrangement - long before I even hear the words being sung.

Even as a “literary nerd,” there’s very little in literature that sticks with me. I just finished Anathem today, which is probably my favorite book in 12 months, and I couldn’t even begin to tell you the details of a passage that really caught me, even though there were plenty. Maybe I just don’t have that sort of mind, not that I know what sort of mind it is.

3. How in the world do you find the time to read as many books, watch as many movies, listen to as much music, and do as much stuff in a 168 hour week?

Okay. First, a typical “adult” book is 250-400 pages long. A typical “adult” book, as it is, I can read at a clip of 55-70 pages in a 30 minute sitting. I’ve always been a fast reader, so it’s pretty natural for me. Rarely a day goes by that I don’t fit in at least 30 minutes of reading, and it’s usually closer to an hour when it gets to the points in time I can get 10 minutes in here or there. The 30 uninterrupted minutes over lunch alone make up for that easily. Now, that’s close to a book a week on lunch breaks alone. A book like Anathem or A Game of Thrones, both 900 page tomes with a ton of detail, move slower but get more attention than normal. Meanwhile, I’ll read a young adult novel with larger print and smaller book sizes at a clip of maybe 100 pages in a 30 minute time span. I can polish two or three of those off in a week. Or perhaps a graphic novel, which is 100 pages on a good day and can often be finished in one or two sittings. Add them all together, and it’s not so strange to have read 115 books as of this point in time.

As for movies, baseball season and the advent of the DVR has cut back on that tremendously, but if I can find time to watch two episodes of Mad Men in an evening, what’s a 90 minute movie? I could, in theory, probably watch a movie a day if I didn’t give it my full attention. I just enjoy movies too much.

Music? Wicked easy - satellite radio plus having a CD going whenever the TV is off and I’m near a computer.

And why isn’t working on The Most Important Book In The World included more often? Seriously. Get back to work on that thing.

I know, I know. The Drama is nearly over, and the creative juices feel like they’re coming back again, which is a good sign for that. Hopefully the prodigal grandchild will understand…

4. What happened to all the Palin love in your blog as of late? Are you still as enthralled with her?

The love went the way of most other writing as of late. I just haven’t been enthralled with anything, the election included. As it stands, if my excitement in late August was an 11, it’s probably around a 9.75 right now - I’m still a huge fan, and I just don’t know how much to blame that rough Couric patch on her or the inept McCain campaign.

5. Stubbornness: a boon or bane? Explain. (Bonus points for a tie-in to your recent job situation.)

Depends on the context. It’s a boon in some ways because it keeps me grounded - my stubbornness goes a long way when I know I’m not completely off-kilter. I know I’m not insane when it comes to recent troubles, and it keeps me from going completely nuts in my head. It’s a bane in the same way, however, where if I wasn’t so stubborn, I could have saved myself a ton of mental anguish.

The whole library thing isn’t unique to my typical stubbornness. It’s probably the number one cause of my inaction on many areas of my personal life, and probably gets mistaken for apathy in a lot of areas. I need to overcome it.

6. WHY SO SERIOUS?

All that time in the asylum…

…but my goodness is my wife’s new haircut gorgeous or what:

I’ve generally always known that I picked a good one, but it’s always fun to get a new reminder about how damn cute she is, too.

The bad completely totally overshadowed the good. Unfortunately, there’s no way I can talk about the bad here, and it was only one bad, so we’ll talk good instead!

* Friday night we finally got to see fellow Manch-Vegans Jackie and Mattieu, who we haven’t seen in AGES. Spend a couple hours at Murphy’s Taproom catching up on life and getting $2 drafts and getting a much needed escape from the stresses of life in general. Considering the drama surrounding me lately, I felt a million times better afterward. Excellent stuff.

* The majority of the weekend was spent in Massachusetts. First stop was to see my old high school friend Kim and her newish fiancé who we hadn’t met yet. It was so good to see her, since I never see her anymore and it’s good to see she’s found a good, solid guy. Plus, we had 4 meals at Finder’s Pub for $21. How sweet is that?

* Following that was a cookout at Julia’s. Certain things brought the mood down a bit, but it was still good to see who we got to see, and there was good food and good times and a nice chance to catch up again. Very nice.

* We left the cookout around 9, and crashed at my parent’s. Both were up, and then my brother swung by, which was nice. We probably just sat around the table for 2 hours just catching up and joking around, which was just what I needed at that point. My dad made breakfast the next morning, I got to see my Memere, and it was like yet another added bonus to an already pretty busy weekend.

* D&D followed breakfast - one of the best sessions yet, in my opinion. Some kobold ass-kicking gave way to a diplomatic truce and some D&D-style race war/genocide discussion. I love D&D, I really do. And it’s only getting better, which is awesome. The cracks are starting to show, and there are significant choices and consequences which just make things more crazy. I didn’t know it could improve more, but there you have it.

* So this week is a short work week for me workwise - Rick and Mark are coming up for the weekend. It’s the first time I’ve seen Rick since the wedding, and the first time the three of us have gotten together since then. We’ll be hitting Anna Maria’s pub night for alumni weekend Friday, and then just hanging in Manchester the rest of the time. AMC folks, let me know if you’ll be there.

It’s been 5 years since I graduated college? Wow.

* Oh, Friday was Talk Like a Pirate Day, and Ann noted to many that it was 5 years to the day she fell for me. Why? I did a Tatnuck shift report entirely in pirate-speak. If that’s not further evidence I found the perfect person for me, I don’t know what else to tell you.

1) SARAH PALIN OMG.

2) Tonight we had Red Sox tickets. Earlier this week, Matsuzaka was the starter to be ready for. Then, two days ago, it was David Pauley, he of the 10.XX ERA. Today? Michael Bowden, pitching prospect, making his major league debut. Awesome - awesome game, awesome experience, and $6 parking.

3) Tomorrow, we’re surprising my Uncle Jeff, who I haven’t seen in about 5 years. He’s one of those close family friends who you end up calling uncle even though they’re not actually related, and we’ve swung in and out of contact with him over the years, and it turns out he’s staying about an hour away and my parents are visiting him right now and invited us up tomorrow. So that’ll be awesome. Very awesome.

Talk about a sea change in attitude.

Still recovering, in a way.

1) Saturday morning, we went up to Hillsboro to look at this house. Interestingly, I think Ann ended up liking it less than I did - the floor plan was great, and there was a lot to love, but there was also more we didn’t - for instance, the interesting choices the former owners made with things as simple as doors and flooring to more questionable issues like the converted shed-like structure in the back that was tilted at a 20 degree angle. Whether it would realistically pass inspection was another concern, but by the time we got around to thinking about that, I think our minds were made up. The location was pleasant if we were 10-15 years older, and it just wasn’t for us.

House hunting sucks.

2) We hit a small party with a former dodgeball teammate in Haverhill later that day - a ton of fun. Good group of people, good conversation, great food, and a really solid chance to reconnect with a couple people we lost track of. After the disappointment of the morning, that was a very pleasant way to spend the afternoon.

3) We then hit my friend Mel’s place for dinner and games with her boyfriend before crashing there. Always good to see her, nice to spend the morning in Worcester getting breakfast and again seeing how things change in such a crazy short time between visits. A good, relaxing evening, even if I did have a crappy game of Carcassonne.

4) In the morning, we grabbed breakfast at Culpepper’s and then headed off to D&D. One of our regulars in the group couldn’t attend, and Ann decided to give it a shot for the day. First, she did quite well - only dropping once (which was to be expected with the copious amounts of marking she was doing) and killing a few big baddies. She struggled a bit with the roleplaying aspect, but given that she discounts that as not really having an interest in the storyline at that point, it was a good day for her.

Not to speak for her, but I think she really liked it. Either that or her reading my Unicorn Slaying Handbook until 10:45 last night was simply a coincedence. That and she doesn’t think Bill’s table is big enough for a 7th player.

So we’ll see.

As for me, I didn’t die! Yay! I came close, but I was smarter and it worked. And now I have leather armor. Fear me.

Hopefully I can catch up more with life tonight.

Ann’s coming to D&D with me Sunday. She spent about an hour with the Player’s Handbook last night.

Ann: “The words in italics kind of confuse me, but they’re the only way I know what I’m doing.”
Jeff: “You can mostly ignore those, it’s just flavor text - roleplaying stuff.”
Ann: “You mean the text - is has a flavor?”

Later, she was reading over the paladin powers and tripped over Astral Speech:

Astral Speech
You speak with such compelling conviction that others find it difficult to refute your beliefs and claims.
Effect: You gain a +4 power bonus to Diplomacy checks until the end of the encounter.

Ann immediately turns to me and says “Hey, that’s what Obama has!”

A busy weekend coming up…

1) So Ann is coming to D&D with me next week - Jenny can’t make it, and I’ve been trying to find an opening to have her try it. She mocks me about it plenty, but she’s actually been somewhat fascinated by the whole thing. We were talking about it over dinner tonight, and some good stuff came of that.

Ann: “So what’s her character?”
Jeff: “A minotaur.”
Ann: “A minotaur?! That’s, like, a horn away from unicorn!”

Ann: “So her minotaur, does she do anything?”
Jeff: “I think she might be playing a cleric” (note: the minotaur is a paladin)
Ann: “A clerk? Really? Do I get to process things?”

Note: She really thought I said “clerk.”

Jeff: “So yeah, you’re playing Jenny’s character, and she’s Mike’s wife.”
Ann: “Oh no! I only know him from pictures on the internet! Worlds colliding!”
Jeff: “He’s fine, you’ll like him.”
Ann: “Wait - if I’m playing his wife’s character, does that mean I have to sleep with him?”

In all seriousness, while Ann never pictured the day she’d be rolling dice for fun, she’s pretty excited to see how this goes down.

2) I also surprised her with Breaking Dawn today, since the waitlist at the library is crazy long. We ended up at Barnes and Noble at the same time this morning, and I was doing my best James Bond to stay out of her sight.

3) The Nashua Pride ballpark is really gorgeous. Just sayin’.

4) I’m so obsessed with 3oh!3 it’s not even funny:

Holla ’til you pass out.